In this beautiful letter to herself a woman, whom I had the privilege to work with, wrote her personal reasons for wanting to recover. I was so moved by this statement of self love and respect I asked if she would please share in hopes that it would inspire others.
You don’t have to have this eloquent of a “why” statement, but I do encourage you to write out why YOU want to recover. What will you be able to do that you can’t while staying in your disorder? Read it every day. If you feel bold, please share in the comments, perhaps it will inspire someone else.
“People say motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, which is why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar
I want my desires back. I want my sense of belonging back, my right to belong. I want my voice back -- my own voice that listens to my desires from a place of giving my body freedom to just be, to just be comforted, to just be heard, to come out of my own shadows, to regain self-trust and self-approval, to recognize that while my body may expand or contract, it is an injustice when I fall short of being a safe confidante to my body.
It is similar to living a lie, to gaslighting my body into believing that it is wholly wrong.
Overriding my body, judging my body, slandering my body, muting those voices within my body is almost akin to perpetrating a crime against all of me. In some ways, it also adds up to me becoming my own judge and jury and, so-to-speak, to being my own executioner.
That all shapes up to me becoming a threat to my own being, a threat to my own survival. It poses a form of self-harm. Self-harm be gone.
I want to be in conversation with my body -- to mind my body by mining for the gold within its contours, between the layers of my skin, in my jiggly, squishy or soft rolls.
Otherwise, I am and may forever be constrained by cultural chatter that breeds fear of food and fear of self.
Otherwise, I am confused by mixed signals, and I easily misunderstand my own self, my own wisdom, my own nature.
Otherwise, eating enters a state of chaos and confusion.
Otherwise, I live by dictates of “should I?” or “should I not?”
Otherwise, I omit all questions about my desires and about my deeply personal choices for food and in life.
I want the memories I have of meals to be soothing memories, and I want to be able to connect food and meals to comforting thoughts -- not to feelings of restraint or to lost opportunities for self-connection. I don’t want to be my own troll, posting critical messages in my mind concerning food.
In the end, I want to rethink my life, rethink the words I speak to myself, rethink the actions I take around current meals and meals that I am planning. I want to arrive at my table open and curious.
I want to readily pull up a seat at the table and honestly be all I am. All I am, meaning welcoming my whole self -- knowing my vulnerabilities, subtleties, and nuances and sitting with and helping myself to meet my truest desires. All I am, meaning that I fill my plate in tandem with becoming a more fulfilled self.
In the end, I no longer want to forsake myself. I want to feel that I deserve a place setting and a place at my own table -- and in the communal table of the larger world.
A while back I posted about the body positivity I see in the drag queen community.
Due to a good friend who stage manages the local drag shows, I have had the fantastic opportunity to help out with a few events recently and have had a blast hanging out with the queens in the dressing room.
And, girl, can they teach us all a thing or two about body acceptance!
For those that don’t know, a drag queen is (typically a man, but can be female/non-binary) who dresses up in women’s clothes (usually gowns and over-the-top makeup, complete with huge false eyelashes), typically for purposes of entertainment (ex: drag show).
As I watch these queens get ready I noticed several things that I think us unconfident biological females can take away from the experience:
1. Curves. Many of the queens actually add padding to accentuate curves. They add hips and breast, and it is not in jest. They genuinely think this is beautiful. How many of us have tried to hide our feminine form? To starve or run-off the curves? The queens would be appalled. Takeaway: rock the curves you were given.
2. They take up space. Even when getting ready the world is their stage. The tables, floor, and every surface is “theirs,” they don’t try to contain their fabulousness. It almost seems a point of pride to have more space and to drive out another queen (though the locals here tend to get along well and help each other, too). Takeaway: It is ok to take up space!
3. They are unapologetic in how they present. Queens don’t shuffle-along with heads hung low trying to disappear, they f-ing shine! A queen sashays in her stilettos, head up, shoulders back, checking that her lipstick is on-point. She does not apologize for being there, being the center of attention, or walking in front of you. Takeaway: Hold your head up proud, walk confidently, and as Coco Chanel said, “if you are sad add more lipstick and attack!”
Today I want you to think of one way you can live a little more like a drag queen (and I am not saying you need to load on the makeup if that is not you!). How can you stand confidently in a room? What will it take to look up instead of at your feet? What clothes make you feel fabulous in your current body? Wear them!
You are fabulous darling!
Hello my lovely readers,
I know post a lot of educational and technical stuff, and I bet you wonder (if you don’t know me in real life) what I am actually like. Honestly, I’m a normal (albeit, busy!) person. So here is a bit about me, and an action for you to take.
Probably my biggest passion is musical theatre. I have been on stage since I was 11 years old, and continue to find my happy place on stage especially when I am dancing. Last year, among my jobs I was in 4 musicals, and a short film. Acting, dancing & singing are my personal anti-depressants.
One of those musicals, Hairspray, was especially meaningful in regards to my practice (for those who think this musical is just “fluff” - look deeper!).
Here’s why it was so meaningful to me:
One major theme in this show is body acceptance. The main character, Tracy, and her mother, Edna, are very overweight. This causes bullying and rejection in their lives (anyone else been there?), but they learn that their clothing size does not determine how far they can dream. The learn how to love themselves as the amazing women they are and rise above the criticism to prove to everyone that size does not determine who you are or what you can achieve.
“I’ll eat some breakfast then change the world.” - Tracy, Hairspray
Another important theme in the show is racism. In addition to rejecting people of larger sizes, the (1960’s set-show) white characters reject the black characters and try to prevent integration on TV. This was supposed to be a historical context, but unfortunately our world is still proving the relevance of needing to learn to accept everyone for who they are.
It is never ok to judge someone by the color of their skin, the size of their body, or by other trivial means! Thankfully, the show has a happy ending (sorry, spoiler alert!) and by the end of the show everyone is singing and dancing together on television, proving that it takes all kinds. This is the kind of show I love, it sparks hope for the future.
If you haven't seen Hairspray - watch it for some inspiration (the movie version with Zach Efron is good).
So, obviously I don't act every day. And I often have people ask me (especially when they find out I am majorially self-employed) What are my typical days like?
Well, “typical” is a stretch, as I feel like no two days are the same, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Normally, a few days a week I go to a coffee shop for several hours and work on my business (including writing these emails), If not at a coffee shop, then my home office (but it is harder to work from home). I actually really enjoy this work, and often 4+ hours slide by before I even think to look at the clock. It takes a lot of work to keep up the website, write emails and blog posts (looking for guest bloggers - btw!), posting and responding on social media, coming up with video ideas/scripts, responding to client emails, answering journalist requests (check out the articles I have been quoted in HERE), and all of the tiny tasks of running a business.
I see clients most days of the week, some days only 1, or up to 8 on fridays! I take dance classes, watch netflix with my dogs, clean the house/run errands, sleep in when I can, and eat pizza frequently (hubby recently got a pizza oven - we have been eating a lot of pizza!).
Why did I just tell you all of this?
To show you I am a person, just like you. I’m not a machine, or “wonder woman” as one client called me. I am a complex, passionate, (and lately tired) human being.
I am not defined by my body.
Neither are you.
Who are you without the labels others put on you? What are your passions and hobbies? What gets you fired-up? What would life be like if you didn’t use food as a crutch to hide behind?
Are you ready to re-define yourself?
Share who you really are on the Not Your Average Nutritionist facebook page or Instagram with the tag #MoreThanILook
I can not wait to hear who you are!!
In the words of another powerful musical (Newsies):
“Now is the time to seize the day,
Stare down the odds and seize the day,
Minute by minute that's how you win it,
We will find a way,
But let us seize the day.
Courage cannot erase our fear,
Courage is when we face our fear.
Tell those with power safe in their tower,
We will not obey!”
Love, Your complex Dietitian,
In 2012 I started my private practice with one client, a pad of paper, pen, and a business license.
5+ years later I have a thriving business of clients, online work, contractor positions, and my own office; but it took some work to get there and figure out all the details along the way.
In this article, I am going to give you the quick guide of necessary things to do/get and what to skip to get your practice up and running without taking out a loan.
Assuming you are already a licensed professional (RD):
1. Get malpractice insurance. You want to be covered if any lawsuits come up (RDs are very low risk). As a sole-proprietor I think I paid $99/year, now I pay $118/year as an LLC (I will explain what these are below). If you have worked elsewhere you might already have malpractice insurance. For RDs, "Mercer Proliability" is the main company used.
2. Depending on where you will be practicing, you need to go to the city or county for a business license. This has an annual fee as well, but it establishes you as a business. There are a few kinds of business structures, but as a one-person business you really only need to know about 2 of them: "Sole-proprietor" and "Limited Liability Company" or "LLC." I am no legal expert, so I won't go too deep into this, but here are the basics (google "sole-proprietor" or "LLC" or "business legal structures" for more info):
A sole-proprietor is what most RDs choose/start as. This is what I chose to start with, and it was easy. It has the lowest fees, and for legal/tax purposes you and your business are one in the same.
LLC is a step-up from sole-proprietor, in that it separates you from the business and adds a buffer of legal protection. LLCs can be single-member, or multiple "members." The cost and taxes are higher/more complicated, but you can hire employees.
3. Choose a "Doing business as" name (aka: "DBA"). This can be your own name (easy) or a business name. Make sure your name has not already been taken. Wherever you register your business they can guide you in how to search names, and the requirements. Chose carefully - this is how the public sees your business; but it can also always be changed later (I did this. It was a hassle, but worth it).
4. Separate your personal money from the business's money. When I started my business I opened a business checking/savings account (which I recommend doing as soon as your business name/license go through) and put $3K of my own money in it to get started (you can probably do this all with $1K, but I didn't know at the time). The fact that that money was basically my whole savings made it so I couldn't fail - it was my money on the line. I recommend this for starting a business. Take a risk on yourself and prove that you can succeed.
5. Get the bare office essentials (you probably have most of this): notepad and pens (I like to use legal pads) for taking notes during a session; hanging file folders; a way to lock up client notes (filing cabinet with lock or locking briefcase - I got a locking briefcase for $20 that became my traveling "office" the first 2 years); cards and stamps (it's nice to handwrite thank you notes to clients - I aim to send one to all my new clients).
6. Business cards: don't bother getting more than 250, you will change your info/logo/etc once you figure your business out more. You don't have to have business cards, but it looks/feels more professional.
*bonus tip - skip other physical marketing materials (flyers, banners, rack cards, newspaper ads) when you are just starting out. They are expensive, and really don't work that well. This comes from my personal experience. I spent 100's of dollars on marketing materials that got me maybe 1-2 clients. NOT WORTH IT until you are in the big-time (and maybe not even then).
7. Have a website - even if it is a work in progress! Everyone looks online nowadays, this should be listed on your business card, and potential clients can look at it to see a photo of you and services you offer/philosophy/etc. There are several free (starting) website builders out there. I use Weebly, but Wordpress is very popular, as are Wix and Squarespace. See what you like/seems easy enough for your skill level. I like weebly because it is drag-and-drop, but it doesn't have all the features that something like Wordpress has with "plug-ins."
Things you can wait on:
Ready to go start your practice? I hope this helps you get started with lower start-up costs!
If you have questions feel free to shoot me an email. I am contemplating taking business start-up clients for mentoring (there is a cost for this).
(A lot of people ask me how I started my business, and why I got into the field of eating disorders. While I do usually tell whomever asks, I have put-off writing this for a while. Maybe because I haven't felt that I have really "made-it" yet, maybe because I don't want to get that personal. Anyway, here's how I came to be "Not Your Average Nutritionist."
When I first passed my Registered Dietitian exam, I was about to get married, and was looking for a local job in my field.
That was going to be a lot harder than I first realized.
I spent about a year and a half (!!!) applying for, interviewing (several rounds), and networking for various jobs in any position as a dietitian. Unfortunately, there was always someone with 10 years of experience, or bilingual speaking, that would swoop in and get the job. (Eventually I did end up with a temp job with County Public Health after that year and a half).
While I was looking for my first "real job," an email had come through our local dietetic association from a young woman who was starting college locally, and was relapsing into anorexia nervosa (for which she had previously had some outpatient treatment). She was looking for a female, Christian, dietitian to work with her. I sent an email back asking if she wanted to give me a try (being new and all).
Now to give a little more background on the eating disorder part of this, in school/internship we spend very little time on eating disorders as undergraduate nutrition majors. Of course we had to learn some about it, but it just does not go very deep at that level of education (which is also why I went back for my Master's). So why did I think I could do it?
#1, I was desperate; and #2, I had struggled with restrictive eating during my early college years, and understood her mindset. She agreed, and I met with her and her mom to see if we would be a good fit. This was the start of my entrepreneurial journey.
Fast forward a few months and I had read countless books on eating disorders and sought out a mentor in (who I didn't realize at the time was a founding expert in the field, and whom many others call "a rock-star!") a local RD, Francie White, who allowed me to come watch her work, and help with the IOP/PHP treatment center in Santa Barbara, CA. Since I (still) didn't have another job (other than teaching some group fitness classes), I set my mind towards making a legal business.
With the help of a local non-profit organization, SCORE, I figured out what I needed to do to get a business license, and set up bank accounts. My first business name was "Libby's Fit Nutrition." I thought I would focus more on helping stay-at-home moms with weight loss and fitness. I did have a handful of those clients (whom I met in their homes), but pretty quickly I was finding that a lot of people who desired "weight loss" really had disordered eating or bad dieting practices, and I found myself doing more education around that. The more I worked with these clients and learned about EDs, the more passionate I became. I took some more psychology classes through community college, and contemplated what to get a Master's degree in.
Fast forward another 2 years or so, I was working as a teacher (Allan Hancock College) and in Corporate Wellness (Provant/PG&E). My online presence had generated a lot of interest from college students who were having issues with disordered eating. I was seeing so many students from Cal Poly (the local college), that I was talking on the phone almost every week with one of the school's nurse practitioners (the amazing, June Stanley) about shared clients. One night as we were talking about how many students she was seeing with eating disorders, she (I thought, jokingly) said "we should just have you on campus." Little did I know that conversation would lead to BIG things for me.
A few months later, I turned on my phone to see a voice mail from Dr. David Harris, Cal Poly's Executive Director of Campus Health and Well-Being. His message asked me to call back and set up a time to meet. He heard I was THE person to go to for eating disorders, and wanted to hire me to be on campus to work with the students at no cost to them. (Fun fact: when I walked into that first meeting after saying hello, his first words were, "when can you start?")
I started working at Cal Poly in Spring of 2016, as the first Registered Dietitian (as far as we know) to be specifically hired at a CSU to work with students with eating disorders!
I love my job! It is so nice to have co-workers who respect me and my opinion, since starting we have developed a multi-disciplinary treatment team, getting involved with athletic trainers and coaches for more open communication about the college athletes health and eating disorders, and I have been able to provide some in-service trainings to the medical staff.
This past year I changed my business name to "Not Your Average Nutritionist," to better represent what I was doing (not many RDs are competent in the area of eating disorders, and even less seem to focus more on the person and coping skills than the food piece), and I was no longer focusing on the fitness aspect. I also changed the legal structure from a sole-proprietorship to a LLC, for more legal support and the ability to hire staff in the future. I have a lot of lofty goals for my business in the next 10 years or so, but for right now I want to slow-down and savor the process.
So, where am I with my business now?
- Still working part-time at Cal Poly (over-booked, but feeling competent)
- Seeing some private clients.
- Almost done with my M.S. in Nutrition Science (emphasis in EDs).
- Working with a supervisor (Cynthia Saffell, MS, RD, LCSW, CEDS) for an advanced credential in EDs (IAEDP - CEDRD).
- Teaching at Allan Hancock
- Feeling better about my own body image than ever.
- ...and getting ready to launch a new phase of my business in 2018! Stay tuned for online nutrition courses!
Moral of the story:
Do great work.
The rest will fall into place.
You got this!
(originally posted 9/19/2016. libbysfitnutrition.com)
I danced from age 3-13 in ballet, tap, jazz, and lyrical before taking a break to pursue my equestrian passions. But at age 16 I had a gnawing feeling that something was missing, and asked to re-enroll in dance lessons. At 16 I had no interest in ballet, leotards on my pudgy adolescent body, or the slow piano music; so I signed up for hip hop and break dancing. That lasted all of 3 months, when I found even with the technical steps in place, I didn't look the part.
Around that same time I got really into east-coast swing dance, and my real love emerged. I started taking ballroom, then teaching my peers. I went off to college, and started the first swing dance club on campus where I taught, performed, and lived out my dream. Then I transferred schools to a major university known for dance. I knew I was going to be a small fish in a big pond, but I joined their swing and salsa clubs, and let the music take me away. Dance became my stress reliever, my social crutch, and the way to make my science degree have a creative side. By the end of college I was known as a dancer at my school, and was president of the salsa club.
photo of my tattoo from last year: a reminder that I need to dance
During college, I had taken a break from acting. A musical theatre geek in high school, college was too demanding to allow for more rehearsals especially with dance taking up my evenings.
When I left to move to California for an internship, the first group I sought out besides a church community was a dance community. My people.
Fast forward a year, and I was getting married, he had dislocated his knee and was not up for dance, and the clubs started too late for this early-bird. Slowly social dance became almost non-existent in my life, let alone studio dance or lessons that I had not touched in 10 years. I was becoming clinically depressed, but had not idea why.
Then I got cast in our community production of "A Chorus Line." Rehearsals were rigorous. 8 hour dance rehearsals on Sundays, 3-5 hours several other days each week. My body had changed from when I had last danced. I did not know where my balance was, I had no idea of the terminology I had long forgotten, and my body struggled with the complicated combinations. But I was so alive!
That show did so much for me. Though I was "only" a swing that never got to go on for any of my overstudies, I had made friends, and re-ignited my passion for dance!
Now three years have passed, and I have been back in the studio taking dance lessons (yes, even ballet) and appreciating every moment in a way I hadn't when I was a kid. Now my struggles are a place to grow from, my hour of class a time of pure freedom and meditation, separate from "real life." I have gone on to act in more shows, dance in more classes, and I am not letting dance out of my life again.
This article was first posted on "OnStage.com" as part of national dance week.
Libby is a non-diet Registered Dietitian focusing on eating disorder treatment and prevention. She approaches health from the inclusive standpoint that any "body" can focus on health regardless of size. She is a ally in diversity.
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it is not a substitute for medical or mental health advice or treatment.